Tragedy, Tattoos, and Leaking Vaginas

Everyone raising “questions” about the responsiveness of the firefighters to the fires in California needs to calm the fuck down.

It’s typical after natural disasters to question everything. But half a million (predominately white) evacuees cannot bitch for one second after seeing the atrocity of New Orleans.

People were evacuated successfully, held up in a stadium with tents, plenty of toilet paper, blankets, and food. There has been only 1 direct death, and while you were sitting in your little make-shift camp worrying about your worldly possessions, ACTUAL heroes were working tirelessly around the clock to fight an uphill battle.

As a person who has lost everything (I mean everything) in a natural disaster, I’m telling you – it’s not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it’s somewhat liberating. But nothing I owned is worth a human life, my own, or that of a rescue worker. The responsiveness of the local government and their ability to handle the situation makes all the difference in the world… and in California’s case, I think they did a pretty good job. In my case (in Florida, a year before Katrina), they worked with care and precision, before and after both storms. By the way… just for the record… in my predominantly white, 67% republican area where the roads took 24 hours to get cleared… it STILL too Mike Brown’s FEMA 3 days to get into place. Red Cross, the local church? Both were working in 36 hours. Just FYI. California is doing very, very well.

This “I’m a victim / who can I blame” shit has got to stop. Can’t people go through tragedy without being so disrespectful towards those lending help? Since when is biting the hand that feeds you a smart social move?

The mob wanted Giuliani dead! Well, really, who doesn’t want the crazy cousin-lover silenced? Giuliani recently hung himself at the Value Voters meet-and-speak… but nothing as tragic as having the Gambino crime boss asking for your head on a platter. As we can see, the event never played out, mainly because the five Cosa Nostra families couldn’t agree.

So, I just wanted to get this straight - as a federal prosecutor, he had the mob came within a few votes of killing him in 1987. As mayor, terrorists attacked the World Trade Center (and Giuliani’s Office of Emergency Management headquarters located on the 23 floor of World Trade Center 7) in 2001. Are we REALLY prepared to see what possible disaster he will bring as President? Trust me, his acceptance of blind people carrying guns is only the beginning.

Condoleezza Rice was attacked by a bleeding vagina before a House meeting on Capitol Hill. A feminist antiwar protester from the group Code Pink stormed Rice and wrapped her red paint-stained hands around Rice and declared, “war criminal!”

No one could argue with her accuracy of information, but the bleeding handed woman’s approach was too much for Condoleezza, who responded, “I JUST got rid of you when I turned 47… and THIS is how you come back?”

Germans to the rescue (again). It’s no secret that the annual hajj pilgrimage to Mecca can be somewhat dangerous as hundreds, sometimes thousands of people get crushed to death while attempting to circle the Kaaba.

German researchers are now applying computer modeling and panic studies to understand the herd mentality due to the overcrowding at Mecca’s high time. In this way they could determine the best and worst traffic flow problems and correct them so that those who visit will be able to walk about without getting crushed in the group dynamic (physically).

The other possible solution would be to have each pilgrim stop and think… and ask, “Why the hell am I circling this black stone cube? And what’s the point of throwing stones at pillars?” Is this what religion has been reduced to? One would think that Allah would have something to do in the matter, as there are people who are traveling to show reverence, and it seems like a pretty importune time to have a worshiper die, unless my earlier post on the deity is correct….

Native Americans in New Mexico are certainly living up to a slur in a strange case of… “them”-giving. A man won a million dollar jackpot on a “Mystical Mermaid” nickel slot machine at the Sandia Resort and Casino, only to be called into the office upstairs and told that there would be no million dollar payout. The maximum pay would be $2,500.00 (as it says on the machine). However, the machine started to go into bonus plays and rack up a considerable amount until “jackpot” was called at $1,597,244.18.

Unfortunately, the big chief upstairs did not see it the same way and refused to pay out, blaming it on a computer malfunction. According to a hired analysis company (hired by the casino, mind you) it was the memory card that went bad and gave out an “erroneous jackpot.” However, an International Gaming Technology spokesman says it was a software problem.

The court case may never see the light of day as this is an Indian reservation and they do have Sovereign Immunity. I stay stick with Vegas, and the cruisy toilet at the Venetian or the “special massages” at the Luxor’s spa.

In perhaps the oddest case against Dumbledore came from Bill O’Reilly last night as he was talking with Dennis Miller, as their combined hot-air emissions continued to pollute the planet, Billy O promptly bitched about the dangers of teaching tolerance. This comes after he staunchly defended how FOX news is tolerant of the republican agenda in a fair and balanced way (unlike those democratic WHORES over at CNN). It still doesn’t make sense how news people (talking heads) can pick and choose what is appropriate as tolerant for the masses. I’m not sure what the difference is between closely monitored news and closely monitored religion, but they seem almost interchangeable at this point. Limiting information IS an effective management mechanism... if your point is to control, not inform. But, alas, Billy O's point is often lost in the sea of opinion (and oddly enough, the same medication to treat the sea sickness can also help you stomach Billy O!).

None of this debate will help poor 36 year old Paul Croft of Nottingham (UK) who is reportedly getting some slack from his 2 foot tattoo of Dumbledore on his back (as played by Richard Harris), with a scroll reading the names of his children. Costing over $1000.00 and a year of his life, it seems like a large price to pay for Harry Potter fanaticism… but… if just one of his children comes out homosexual, I think it would be all worth it in the end.

Okay, I have to work more today. Hope everyone is doing well.

Later.