Drunk it Forward
There came a point at the end of the night where a Bar Girl I knew was throwing up down my back, a shirtless twink boy was toweling off my leg, and a drunk queen forcefully pushed me aside to flirt with the Straight Boy who I was talking to that I thought to myself, “You know, James… you’re getting a little old for this shit.”
Maybe I am. As I got the door for my friend who was carrying Bar Girl out into the cold from the crowed venue like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard, and somewhere between hopping on the back of a fire truck and riding it for half a block (it wasn't my idea) and packing Bar Girl into Straight Boy’s car… I had somewhat of an epiphany. Bartender, Bar Girl, and Straight Boy are all at or under 21. I have some 12 years of this behavior on them. That was me just 10 years ago (or so *ahem*). Is this all really considered “fun”?
Yes. Yes it was sort of fun. I chatted all night with Straight Boy, who managed to attach himself to me for safety reasons. He was so tall I barely came up to his shoulders, he was gorgeous as hell, built, and sported an adorable set of loveable round lips which curved to make a perfect smile. Of course, I was more interested in his internal beauty as he was actually quite intelligent and engaging. Bar Girl and I had met a few times before at this particular bar. She brought Straight Boy as a "date" even though they were not dating at the time. Of course, every time Bar Girl and I ran into each other, we had a fantastically raunchy time, so it was no wonder that she had talked about me to Straight Boy before dragging him to the New Year's Eve Party at a gay bar. It explained why he was rather excited to meet me. It was rather funny being attached to the one guy everybody wanted, as many queens would stand next to him and “accidentally” back into him. This went on in one variation or another throughout the night until it became late and the cruising became more aggressive and belligerent.
I got my New Year’s kiss from Bartender, which was sweet gentle kiss on the lips… very cute but way too brief. Bar Girl seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t more of a make out session (not as disappointed as I was, honey - and why do straight girls always want to see gay guys make out anyway?). Straight Boy got a hug at midnight since he was handling his alcohol very well (unfortunately). Still, at the end of the night, he managed to toss me his business card before taking Bar Girl home. Of course, I LOST IT… but if we’re going to be technical about the situation I can very much announce that I DID get his number.
Before she went downhill and started throwing chunks, Bar Girl was looking fierce from head to toe. Honestly, she has never looked better. There was one point where she was lying in the arms of my friend outside on the sidewalk, unconscious with vomit sticking to the side of her mouth where I thought, “Damn… this girl looks good.” It’s true, she did. The same could not be said of the middle-age woman in a similar situation across the street.
So I really can’t complain too much. I saw some old friends that I hadn’t seen in 10 years, and I have aged MUCH better. I was finally able to fit into my Salvage t-shirt that I bought over a year ago when I began my weight loss venture. I was so happy about that, and it was actually a very good look considering that I had to take off my outer shirt due to it smelling like vodka and stomach acid. And despite the vomit, at one point in the night I DID have a shirtless twink rubbing up and down my leg.
I can’t help but reflect… hanging around the CHILDREN and all… was I this bad when I was their age? Yes. Yes I was. In fact, I know I was much worse. All I can say is “Come talk to me when you’re stuck in the back stairwell of a bar tripping on acid and thinking that the movie Brazil is happening for real outside in the alley.” Until then, they’re just amateurs. So when it comes to this new generation, I will gladly hold their hair back, help carry them out of a bar, and pack them into a car of a hot straight guy at the end of the night. I think it’s quite necessary for us, the older generation, to “drunk if forward” to these younger kids. That’s all I thought about as I looked at Bar Girl with her lifeless head lying comatose, the drool bubbling from her lips, the skirt hiked up, tattered hair, and one heel tossed aside and realized that used to me (though she had much nicer shoes, I must say).
Bartender offered me a ride home, and I stupidly refused. I thought it best he get home as he looked like he was run over by a steamroller. I made it home, alone, but still laughing at the insanity of the night. It was wildly fun, incredibly immature, and a complete irreplaceable experience. I was seriously having my doubts about going out for New Years, and I’m glad Bartender convinced me otherwise. I owe him a big “thank you” for that. Via e-mail, I'm glad to report that the absolutely beautiful Straight Boy made it through the night in one piece and via text message I hear that the enchanting Bar Girl is recovering nicely. I have to mention my friends, my kick ass friends… who took care of “the situation” better than I did, and was still able to laugh about it when it was all over. I really do have the best friends in the world.
Now, I don’t know WHAT this says about what 2008 is going to be……
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